Destiny

Controlling my destiny. I think I finally figured out that I'm the only one who can control it. You know how your thoughts and feelings kind of lead you through life and help you to make decisions? Well my thoughts are leading me in the direction of continuing to pursue my dreams. We all get insecure and have those moments of doubt but I haven't been questioning myself lately like I normally do. It's kinda like I know what has to happen or else. I've been reading some of my old posts and revisiting the old me. It's very scary but I understand now why I had to go through all of that pain. I had to get strong. I feel so strong now. So yea I had another fucked up dating situation but I've narrowed it all down that maybe I am just too much for these guys. I think they see that fire that burns inside me and they know that I am destined for more. I love how guys get so scared that you are going to take their life away if things get serious. Every situation I have been in involves things getting deeper and in never fails. The guy bails on me. This time though it didn't cut like before. I guess I'm numb to it now. I cried for a total of 2 hours and now I'm fine. I mean of course I'm dissapointed but he just wasn't the right one I guess. I don't even care about that anymore. I used to be so hung up on finding the right one because I thought it would complete me. I should have known that acting is the only thing that will ever complete me. I know that in order for me to allow myself to be loved I have to love myself first and in saying that I must complete myself. The only way to do that is to follow my dreams. That will complete me. I will have no regrets if I do this for myself. We all have this voice within us that guides us and gives us the feeling if things are right or wrong and the voice in me now says to Go for it and don't hold back.