Gluing my heart back together

Music: Pearl Jam "In Hiding"

Joy! Love! Happiness! All my feelings at this very moment. I went to see my babies at O'Quinn today and was greeted with neverending hugs and kisses. "I miss you, Miss. Brandi", "Where did you go"?, "Will you come babysit me?" All the questions I was asked when I visited this morning. I can't explain my love for these children. I love all of them. I miss them like crazy. I'm really not digging my new job. I know now that it's time to look for something else and that something else is a teaching job. I want to teach. I think that is the only other thing in life that will make me happy besides acting and if I can teach drama then I will be most happy. I'm taking that gre exam in February and I think I want to go to grad school for english or maybe education. I also have the idea to go out to L.A when I can afford it and maybe stay for two weeks and audition for stuff just to see what happens and to get it out of my system. I'm still dating the one guy and his name is Rick. I've been on a few other dates with some other guys but he still is the one on my mind. I think I'm starting to fall and I'm scared. He calls me more than once a week which is a huge plus and I don't know. There is just something about him that is starting to get to me now. Funny how that happens. So far he's a really great guy. I'm seeing him tonight. I invited him to my Christmas party at work so it makes a big impression on me that he wants to come. We've been taking it slow and slow is good. I see that now. I know that I have talked endlessly about my love for R.A on here and how hurt I was but all I have to say is God definitely knows what he is doing. Tiffy said that "God wouldn't make broken hearts if he didn't know how to fix them" and she was right. I was so angry that it didn't work out between us because I wanted it so badly but now I see that he was not the person for me at all. I finally made amends with him over the last few weeks. We talked and smoothed things over and now I can say that we are friends. I will always care about him of course. That goes for anyone who has come into my life whether they have wronged me or not. But now my feelings of love have become something different. Now we just have an understanding and I hope that we can keep our friendship. I took an acting class taught by his Mother about two weeks ago and she gave me a book called "Wilderness" by Jim Morrison. It's a collection of his poems. She is a sweet, kind, talented women and that gesture suddenly made everything okay for me. I talked to Ryan and we both agreed how ridiculous it was that we weren't talking to each other and suddenly the clouds all cleared and the sun shone through and I finally felt at peace to move on with my life and give someone else a chance to love me.