Not Mine

Not Mine

I've got a family
they say I'm there's
but I'm not

I've got dog
He's supposed to live with me
but he's doesn't

I've got another dog
she lives with me
she's seems like mine
but she's not

I've got a red car
It's supposed to be mine
but somehow it's not

I live in a townhouse
it too seems like mine
but it belongs to someone else

I've got a sister
she's supposed to be my best friend
but she's not

I've got an aunt
she's says she loves me
but she doesn't

I've got a Granny
she's alive
but she's brain dead

I've got lots of kids
they seem like mine
but their not

I've got a voice
and I sing very loudly
but noone hears

I've got you
you seem like mine
but you belong to someone else

I've got an ocean
it's not mine
but I like to think it is sometime

I've got my dreams
there mine
and noone else's
although I'd like to share them

I've got a heart
it belongs to me
and I have a key to unlock it
but that belongs to me too

I've got a life
it's mine
so it seems at times
other times not

I've got a sunny sky
it's not really mine
but it feels like it's shining just for me some days

I've got a friend
he's not mine
though he'd like to be

I've got this moment
it's mine
this silence is all for me

I've got this night
it's mine
where I can dream
about a picnic in the park
and children on a swing
and sitting with you
sharing each others ice cream

I've got memories
they are mine
and they always will be

I may not have alot
but a rich imagination will do

I've got me
a girl, a woman, a puzzle
I'm mine
but I don't think God would agree

Sinking

I'm in a rut right now. I have alot going on especially in the love life department. There is someone in my life that I am crazy about but it's not really working in my favor at the moment. It's causing me alot of heartache and joy at the same time. What started as fun has turned into alot more for me and I can't handle it at the moment. I've been depressed all week to the point that I feel like I'm going to vomit every 5 minutes. I don't know what to do!!!! I'm 28 now. I want love so badly. I've been single for 5 years now and I don't regret it at all because it's made me who I am but I really don't think I can hold out any longer. I've waited for love soooooo long and now I think it's here but it's so complicated. Why does everything in my life have to be so fucking complicated???? I thought I could stay strong and put on this independent woman who can live without a man image alot longer but I'm starting to get weak. I've let this person get into my heart, my head, all of me and my emotions are on a crazy roller coaster ride right now. I haven't felt this way since RA and I know there something different about this guy (like I haven't said that before) but I'm serious. The way I feel is different even from R.A. I feel more trusting to him then anyone. It's hard to tear down my wall and he's doing a damn good job of it. I have not slept with him either and that's another reason I know it's different. Usually sex complicates your emotions but the only thing we have done is kiss and it was a romantic one not lustful like it usually is. So I know he's not just trying to have a party in my panties because he's had plenty of opportunity and hasn't. I don't mean that as in I was being easy or anything. I mean that in a he's kept his distance to prevent that from happening because of circumstances. We've been talking for 8 months and at first it was just kinda fun ya know but now it's getting way deeper that that and I'm sinking. This is the toughest decision I've ever had to make "should I stay or should I go" Help!