Not all dreams are made to last!!

Music: "Hands To Heaven" Breathe

How do you prevent falling in love? Is it possible? I tried for so long to not fall in love, guarded my heart, stayed a mystery but nevertheless it found me and broke my heart into. I swore to myself that I would never become a fool, be taken advantage of ever again after my first serious relationship. Love does funny things to the person infected. It makes you desperate, crazy, your ability to think logically dissapears and your pride is out the door. I mean obviously this is true because look at me. I'm writing all this in an online blog that thank God only my closest friends can read. Although I did guard my heart because I didn't want to be hurt again I was still vulnerable. I am one of the few people in the world who thinks with their heart rather than their head. Honesty about my feelings all out there on the table for the world to see. And where did it get me? Nowhere. I've read all the books from "He's just not that into you" or "Your'e just not that into him either" or even "Why men love Bitches" and as I find them all fairly ridiculous I tried with all I had to heed their expert advice. And here I am hopelessly laying it all out on the table because I am hopelessly in love. The experts in the books would tell me to keep it to myself but the more I grow in this life the more I realize that it's not in my nature when it comes to matters of the heart. So I made my last attempt at contacting the object of my affection a week ago only to speak to him in a 2 second conversation in which he preceeded to tell me he would call me later. Of course the phone call never happened and then in desperation I attempted one last time only to hear nothing. I made up all the excuses I could for him but at the end of the day I have to face the fact that "He's just not that into me". I thought making that phone call and having the courage to speak to him again would make Delilah proud but all it really did was make me feel like an idiot. So here I am with a bee sting on my lip (insects love me) and a screwdriver in my hand drowning in my sorrow. Well being the Scorpio that I am I always bounce back when being knocked down to my knees. I am very resilient. For the longest time I was ashamed that I couldn't get over this person. I tried all I could to pour my heart into something else or someone else and although it worked for awhile the daydreams of being with the only person I have ever truly cared for began to creep back into my mind. I guess if I'm going to be honest the pain that I have most endured is caring so much with nothing in return. Everyone wants that person in his of her life that gives you encouragement and approval and he was that person for me. I sent him the films that I am so proud to have been a part of to hear nothing in return from him, supported him in his artisitc pursuits only to be told that work was more important than having a drink with me and some of his closest friends after the show. So he sounds like a real asshole huh? But for some reason he meant the world to me. So what do I do now? Well I have to let go because honestly what more can I do? I have opened my heart and if that is not enough then I have to move on with my life and try to forget him. Move past the hope of something more ever happening between us. I knew I loved him when I daydreamed about what our kids would look like, future vacations to Disneyworld with our children, envisioning one another on stage while the other was out in the audience for support and last but not least every girls dream of walking on the beach barefoot dressed in white and looking at him smiling while we vow our love to one another and live happily ever after. I guess not all dreams are made to last and so having said that, Goodbye dream! It's time for me to find another.