Me,Myself,and I!

Music: No music....just the sound of Mad tv and my little sisters laugh.

Today I went to visit my Nana's grave. I always do this when I need a question I have been pondering over answered. For some reason visiting her makes me deal with whatever is going on in my head at that moment. It seemed to help today because I feel better about my decision. I got a new car. It's a red Honda Civic 2002. It only has 30,000 miles on it. I bought a cute Hello Kitty sticker to put on the back. I'm never going to grow up I'm telling you. I filmed "Like This" on Friday. I had a blast. I met a really cool guy. He did my make up. He is my new gay boyfriend even though he is only 19. He made me laugh and anyone that can make me laugh is a friend. I'm in desperate need of some sort of crazy recreation involving alcohol. I haven't been drunk in a good while. Just need to let my hair down. I've been working,working,working non stop but I love every minute of it. Still questioning where to go at the end of the summer. I know I need to get out of Charleston but I can't decide where I want to go. New York is really calling my name right now but I don't know. It will come to me eventually I'm sure. I miss all of my friends in the city and I miss all the culture and the excitement. I don't miss being dirt poor but I'm older and smarter this go around so maybe I won't have to struggle quiet like I did before. I would love to take a film class and learn about the camera and everything that goes into the whole filmmaking process. I want to write a script also. There are so many things I want to do before I die. Here is a short list.
1. Learn to speak French fluently
2. Go to Europe or better yet travel the world
3. Write my own script and make my own film.
4. Learn how to play the piano
5. Make a jazz album
6. Own a small farm with lots of exotic animals
7. Have a romantic evening in Italy eating spaghetti and listening to Opera
8. Find Love
9. Get married barefoot on the beach
10. Have two kids and adopt two kids
11. Take photography
12. Take art lessons(drawing,painting)
13. Open my own bookstore
14. Take a hot air balloon ride
15. Spend Christmas in a log cabin while it's snowing outside
16. Write a book
17. Swim with dolphins
18. Go on a safari in Africa
19. Be on the cover of a magazine
20. Be the president of a charity that helps children somehow
21. LEARN TO COOK

I could keep adding but that's it for now. I'm not a big dreamer or anything am I? Well my sister is getting pissed at me for keeping her awake so I'm going to go downstairs and watch a little tv. Goodnight.

Flying Cockroaches!!

Friday, June 17, 2005


Music: The Hives "I wanna Get Free" and old school Tupac

Can life get any better than this? I'm drinking a Yuengling, smoking a cigarette, watching Sex and The City, and eating Velveeta shells and cheese(it's the cheesiest). I filmed last night in Summerville. It was so much fun! I play this character who has very Bree (Desperate Housewives) like characteristics. She supposed to be very shy and innocent but she's actual very sinister. I love it! Go figure I would be cast as the shy innocent one. She has an air about her that make people think she is a snob. Not a stretch for me! I used to be so shy when I was younger. I could hardly utter a word for Lords sake and now look at me. One glass of wine and I will talk your ears off. I had to get off of work at 4:00 to drive up there and I didn't make it on set until 5:30. I got so lost and the directions were so easy. Leave it to me. They were behind anyhow so it didn't matter. What is this place called Summerville? They have flying beetles there the size of my big toe and that's pretty big. Flesh eating beetles mind you, I swear! Speaking of flying things I was welcomed by a flying cockroach when I returned home from my long day as a glamourous actress. The bastard! I have no idea where he scurried off to. He will probably tap me on the shoulder later tonight. I hate those bitches. They make me want to vomit. I will pick up a frog, even a snake, spiders too but a roach. Just shoot me. So besides battling fleshing eating beetles and flying cockroaches things are going really great. I just got my copy of "The Last Night of The World". It was so weird watching myself on film. Of course I critiqued the hell out of it but for those who know me that should not surprise you in the least bit. I'm a perfectionist but having said that I think it turned out nicely. It's only the rough cut so I will get the final cut next week sometime. I go to old AUG to start rehearsal this weekend. It's so nice to be working on something I absolutely love. Nothing else much to report except I finally got my headshots back so now I can actually audition for something where I may get some compensation. As much as I love my job wouldn't it be nice to work in this industry for a living. I'm tired of the same routine. I want variety.

It's A Free Day!!

Saturday, June 11, 2005


Music: " I Don't Know How to Say Goodbye to You" Sam Phillips and "NYC" Interpol

I woke up this morning to the sound of either the loudest woodpecker I have ever heard or the spanish guys are back fixing the apartment. I have my cup of coffee and I have nothing to do today! I can't believe it. It can't be true. No babysitting. Parents decided not to come down. Nothing. Nada. except for cleaning my room and that can wait. So what shall I do. I haven't a clue. Finish reading my bio on Vivien Liegh? Go to the beach if it doesn't rain? Spend my gift cards? Go get Napoleon(basset hound) and take him for a walk? Go thrift store shopping? I can't decide. Ok take that back. I will have to look online all day for cars now that my parents aren't coming down this weekend. Looks like I'm going to be getting a Honda Accord. I really want that VW cabrio but I will have to take what I can get huh? So what else can I rant and rave about? hmm? Things that make you go hmm! Remember that song. Ha Ha! Oh I met this lady last night who was around 55. She is Connie in like 30 years. She was so cute. She was dancing her booty off. I hope I still have that ability to just let loose when I'm 55. People really surprise me. You know how you really look up to someone and respect them and sometimes even go out of your way for them and then one day you discover that they are not at all who you thought they were? It's like were they just being fake all of this time? It's crazy how your ability to care just kinda dissapears. Are people really that self-centered? I have known several people like this in my lifetime and now one of them is related to me. Wow! I never thought she would turn her back on me but she has. I even lived with her when things weren't going great between me and my mom. I trusted her and look what happened. Greed! Greed is an evil thing! It sadness me that when the outcome of this is all over she will be the one who loses everything and part of me really cares and part of me just wants karma to have it's way with her. She has restricted me and my family from seeing my Grandmother who is in the hospital right now. This woman used to dress me up and curl my hair and care for me like a daughter and now she won't even let me see my own Granny. Just what happened? Enough about that. This is getting long but I need to let everything out. Now that I'm letting everything out let's get on the topic of marriage. Why does my Mother feel the need to harass me because I am not married? What does she want me to do? Just go find some random guy on the street and take a plane to Vegas? Okay she was married when she was 20 years old. She has always had a man in her life including her Daddy. I haven't been in a serious relationship in 3 years. I have learned alot of things in that time believe me and I am proud of my independence. This is something she has never experienced. Being Single. So she needs to get off of my back about the choices I make. I know I'm not getting any younger as she says but who cares? I'm enjoying my life. I'm doing what I need to do for me and when the right person comes along then marriage will come into the picture and she can have those grandkids she is always bitching about. And if I never find the man that I want to marry then I will get a bunch of cats and a dog and adopt an asian baby! Okay I have ranted enough today. I feel so much better!!! I'm going to get ready to enjoy my day and I want you to remember "Sharks...they only bite when you touch there private parts!".......51st datesI decided to write more random things. This is what I'm doing today because this is what I want to do. Sit in front a computer all day long and rattle off all the shit that is in my head right now while I enjoy my thai food I had delivered. How can I get ahead financially? When did this become an issue with me? So I miscalculated something in my budget and now I have two overcharge fees on my account. ARGHHHHHHHHHh! When does it end. Now after I pay everything off I will have exactly $100.O0 to live off of for two weeks. Why do we become slaves in this life? I hope the afterlife is better. I hate being 26. It's the stupidest age. You feel like a fucking time bomb. Part of you is still immature and clueless and part of you just wants to grow up and get it over with. There is this void that you keep trying to fill and it's impossible. I don't think anyone ever fills that void. I think we are all seeking this thing called happiness and what we think it is and when we get it we want something else. It's a neverending process. Damn this pad thai is good! Anyhoo, back to what i was saying. I mean what is happiness? It's different for everyone. Happiness to me at this time in my short lived life is finding love,expressing myself creatively,having a family and being able to afford things,not necessarily a mercedes but just basic things without worry. The American Dream. Would my dream be any different if I grew up in Russia or Paris or Tokyo? Being able to provide for my children and try to teach them what took me 26 years to figure out so they can make different mistakes. But do we really make mistakes I mean, Life is one big mistake right? We have to learn from this one so if there is another one after it we can do better. Maybe there really are aliens that live on another planet and maybe thats where heaven is supposed to be. Maybe all these E.T sightings are people that have passed on to the next life and they are just coming to check up on us or something. I know I'm strange but just bear with me. I think we should just all live underwater personally and build little cities under there. That would be cool. We could just swim around all day like Ariel. And why does Disney poison the mind of little children to think that when they grow up they will marry prince charming and life will be perfect? I'm going to sue them. When I was little I thought that when I was 26 I would be driving a pink corvette and married to Ken and I would be a movie star,doctor,lawyer,astronaut,president etc and live in Malibu and live happily ever after. I'm suing Mattel too damnit. I'm not complaining about my life exactly. I know there are starving children in Africa but these are things I think about. And why if there is a God did he give me the desire to be creative? Why can't I just be a fucking engineer or something. That way I could just go to my litte 9-5 job and what I have to do and pay the bills on time. No I have to be all over the place. Can you tell? My mind is like a roller coaster', a maze, a big,squishy philosophical mass of questions? Why do we think? What is the point? It just gets in the way. Maybe I should take yoga so I can just be. But even then I would try to meditate and I would be thinking about if I need toilet paper or not. Believe me this is not something I would want to forget. Using paper towels sux when you have to poo. Ha Ha! And why do guys think girls don't poo? because we do, so get over it. Why did John Lennon have to die? He was so peaceful and serene. Maybe he is Jesus! Maybe that's why he died so he could go back to Heaven. Maybe Yoko is Mary! Okay I am really going overboard now. See where this can lead? I will be in the psyche ward soon. What if we had tails or antlers. Ha Ha. Can you imagine? I saw this on the Barkers and I have thought the same thing for years. We would have outfits for our tails, we we have to get the hair on our tails done, you would hold tails instead of hands. Little babies would have tails. Okay I really have to get off of here now. Here is a little poem I wrote:Not too long ago when I was just so high
I had time to slide down rainbows and look up at the sky
I had time to laugh and time to sing so much time to think about so many things
Not too long ago nothing really mattered to me except of course if it was my turn to watch the t.v
or sit in the front seat or choose my bedtime tale
the one where Peter Pan rescued me and on Captain Hooks ship we would sail
But one day I grew up and everthing seemed to matter
like if I ate that choclate cake I might get fatter
andif I don't get married I might die all alone
and if I don't find a really great job thenI'll have no place to call home
And somehow during that time I began to realize what my parents were trying to explain
that life will bring you happiness if you let it but sometimes it's gonna rain
It's not the end of the world my mom would say be strong
don't shed a tear and that's when I realized sometimes it's okay to show my fear
Not too long ago I discovered that wishing on a star is quite alright
that wishing you could fly will actually make you take flight
The movie is not all about you and all your starring scenes
it's about the people around you and how you help them to realize their dreams.THE END

I Need A Red Bull!!

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Music :Suzanne Vega "Caramel" Closer soundtrack

Ravioli by Chef Boyardee is yummy! That's what I had for dinner. Healthy huh? I can't believe I'm keeping an online journal. I'm usually so secretive but i figure what the hell, try something new and it's kinda fun. The newness will wear off in a month and then I'll forgot to write. So today was fun because I played dress up with my 3 year olds. I love them. They make me laugh. They say the funniest things. This one little boy was peeing the other day and this little girl walks up to him and watches. I just sat there because I wanted to see what she was going to do. She looks down at his little wee wee and says" Oh! You have a little belly button down there. Yea, look Miss. Boone he has a belly button". I thought I was going to pee in my pants I laughed so hard. Well I found out more good news today. I'm going to work on another indie for Trident. I will be playing the part of Betty. It's about this couple who think there neighbors are terrorists. Betty is the wife. I'm gonna be a busy gal! Wish I could figure out what I'm going to do in September. I want to move back to NY or New Orleans but I just don't know if I will have enough money saved by then especially with a new car payment. I'm just so tired of living in the West Ash. ghetto I could scream. It was okay at first but now we have these loud ass neighbors and as we speak some guys speaking spanish are peeking in my kitchen window while they work on the building. Back in January the couple that lives two doors down burnt there apart down at 6am on a Monday morning because they were smoking so much weed in there. They got into a fight and somehow started a fire. The funny thing is that they were in their 50's. They should share the wealth. Then I had my car broken into and the fuckers stole all of my books for my French and my Statistics class along with my TI-83 calculator and my fave shirt that said Brooklyn across it. Assholes! Oh well I'm going to go get some coffee. If I fall asleep now I will stay up forever.

What's Going On In My Head

Monday, June 06, 2005

Music: My Chemical Romance "Helena"

So another day gone by and I'm still here. I surprise myself sometimes. I definetly have my mother's strength. I think I could take anything now so bring it on!! NO CAR!!! It sux! Thank God I have my sister's car this week b/c what the hell would I have done? I really didn't want to move back to Augusta but it was looking that way for a moment there. I would have commited suicide I'm telling you. I'm so thankful for the friends who helped me out in my situation. They Rock! It's so funny how life goes from one spectrum to the other. That's what's so crazy. You never know what's going to be thrown in your face. It's actually scary and I'm surprised we are not all walking around like crazy people. Or are we? I have theories about all this but that's for another day. So cool things are happening for me. I'm so happy to have been cast in this independent film. The director is wonderful and has a great resume. I think it's going to be a great film especially because I'm in it. J/K I was so busy caring about everyone else that I forgot to care for myself and when I did look what happened! It actually kinda pisses me off that I have spent the past nine years focusing on everything but myself but it's over with now and as Scarlet says "tommorow is another day". I'm so relieved that Friday is almost here. Girls night out!! I haven't had one of those in I don't know how long. I've been working so hard to stay alive that I forgot what it feels like to be alive. Well off to the gym and then to check out some cars. I'm really looking into a VW cabrio conv. I think it fits my personality but I may have to settle on a Honda. Peace out homies !