How Brandi Got Her Groove Back!!!!!

Music: Cyndy Lauper "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!"

Wow!!! I feel like a totally different person right now. I had the best weekend ever, ever, ever!!!! I went out Friday night with a big group of people and I met a boy. Whoo hoo!!!! And when I say boy I mean boy! He was just a tad bit younger than me. Just a tad. But so damn hot! And though I say he was a boy he probably was more of a man than anybody I have ever dated. So I feel like "Stella got her groove back" or in this case "Brandi Got her Groove Back!" It's so funny because everybody is trying to hook me up with someone and I just don't care about having a relationship right now. I just want to have fun fun fun!!!!! I feel as if the rain has cleared although I did get another ticket this morning. :) I ran a stop sign. Well I wouldn't exactly say I ran it I kinda of yielded. So I got a ticket by the same damn cop that pulled me over before. I sorta copped an attitude with him. Ha Ha! Copped!! I'm such a dork. So yeah I feel about 18 right now but who cares!!!! I'm making good money right now. At least enough to pay all my bills on time and I finally feel secure with my future. I'm sad however because Conalulu is leaving in two weeks to move to L.A. and I don't want her to go. Were kinda living it up right now before she leaves. We are going to Athens on Saturday for the Georgia vs Boise State game and I can't wait. We are going to have so much fun!!!! I met some new girls and we have been hanging out lately. They are all my age too so that's cool. Sunday I laid out at the pool with Callie and then we went to this place called Coast. It's really nice and they have a live jazz band every Sunday night. So I really enjoyed it. Then me,Callie, and Connie came back to my place and played 80's music and drank a bottle of wine a acted like a bunch of dumbasses. So I have no philsophical analyzing of life right now. I'm just a happy girl!!!!! That's all I can report. Go DAWGS!!!!!!

Napoleon

Music: Journey "Girl Can't Help It"

I'm getting on top of my game finally. My bills are all paid and I actually have extra money. Whoo hoo!!! So of course it was burning a hole in my pocket. I went Shopping!!!!! I had a great weekend. I babysat Thurs-Saturday night but I made some good money. I also dogsat a friends basset hound. His name is Napoleon and I love him soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. He is so damn cute. I took him downtown Sunday morning and then I took him to Wendy's and got him a hamburger. He was my boyfriend this weekend. I want to dognap him. I think I may get my own soon because having him around made me so happy. Sunday I hung out with Connie and Jan at the pool and drank Mimosas. Then we hit up TGIFridays and went to see "The 40 year old Virgin". This movie was hillarious and it even turned into a chick flick at the end. I think my favorite line in the movie was "The problem with relationships is that one person is going "blah blah blah" all the time and then the other person is saying "What are you talking about?" and then the other person is saying "blah blah blah"" Funny but true. It seems like I'm the one going "blah blah blah" all of the time though. So let's see. Job update. I'm staying at O'Quinn. I got a much needed raise and I didn't want to leave anyway. It's like a family there for me. My new hours give me time to audition for things and I can look for another job in the process. So that's about all. I'm going kareoke tommorow night at Henry's and I can't wait. I'm starting to like being single except I miss gettin some lovin. Hopefully that will all change soon. It doesn't help that I'm so damn picky. I'm going to go do laundry now. Peace, love, and David Bowie!

Weirdest Day!

Music: "Welcome To The Jungle" Guns and Roses

Ever had one of those days that keep getting weirder and weirder? Today is one of them for me. I went to turn in my resume at Chesterbrook and the director of the school just happened to be there so she interviewed me and I got the job. Not sure if I'm going to take it or not b/c I'm waiting to hear about some other things first. I had an audition for "A Little Night Music" on Sunday. I went str8 from wrapping the film, driving to Charleston from Augusta, and the str8 to the audition. I was exhausted but I pushed myself to go anyway and I thought I was horrible. I almost cried on the way home I thought I did so bad. Lo and behold right after I find out I got the job at Chesterbrook I get a call from the director of the play and find out I have a callback and that she thought I had a wonderful audition? Did she call the right person? I had already decided I didn't care if I got it or not because I sucked. Okay now it gets even weirder. I get home from work, check my e-mail and find out that a friend of mine who was actually in Cold Mountain is shooting a film in Charleston. He lives in L.A and is shooting the film here in Charleston. He offers me the part on the phone. He liked what he saw from my website. What the hell? It's going to be shot film noir style. Black and White with that classic film touch. Right up my alley. So we start doing tests shots tommorow night. All I have to say is life is freaking weird man. WEIRD!!!!

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Music" " Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" Billy Joel

I really don't know what to write but I know I should write something. Let's see, well I finished filming this weekend. My picture was in the paper so that was kinda cool. I got cut five hours at work. I usually work 40 hours now I work 35. I'm one of those people who can look at things with a positive light so if I'm going to make this a positive situation I have to look at it like it will allow me more time to look for another job. I love where I work and I don't want to leave. It's like a family to me but I can't afford to live off of the salary I make anymore. I have lots of job opportunity's that I can apply for. One is downtown working 8-12 in the mornings as a kindergarten teacher assistant. If I got that one I could still work at O'Quinn from 2-6. Another one is the My Gym which I'm waiting to hear back from and then Chesterbrook in Mt.P needs a Lead 3's teacher. My favorite option is a drama teacher position at Moultrie Middle in Mt.P. It's part-time and I want it so bad. The problem is that they need official transcripts and I have a stupid hold on my account and you have to pay a $75.00 fee for fingerprints. I don't have an extra $75 bucks. I will figure it all out somehow. Oh! I have to mention this. I did the hokey Pokey with my 3 year old class and it was so much fun! I was laughing so hard at them my sides were splitting. This one little girl kept sticking her butt in this little boys face and he would slap it and say "get your booty out of my face". They are just so cute, I love them. It made me wonder, maybe the hokey pokey really is what it's all about! What else? Well I'm moved in my new place and I love my room although it is small. It looks like it came right out of a catalog. I went to visit my Granny the weekend before last and it was heartbreaking. I'm not sure if she remembered me or not but I think she did. She was throwing up in her bed when I got there and she just looked so unfamiliar to me. I tried to hold back the tears as best I could. I joked around with her and brought up childhood memories to see if that would maybe spark her interest and she laughed and said "Do you remember all that?" So I think that she knew it was me. I held her hand before I left and sang "Somewhere over the Rainbow" to her. That's when the tears started to flow. That could be the last time I ever see her, you know. I don't know how this will sound but I hope that she goes soon because I hate, hate, hate seeing her like this. On a lighter note I'm reading Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy. It's a huge novel and it's taking me awhile to read but I am in love with it. I would do anything to play Anna Karenina in a play or movie. She was very progressive for that time period. She's a strong women character that any actress would die to play. What else? I'm taking the GRE in September for real this time. I can't wait to start grad school. I just can't decide if I want to go for English or just get my Masters in teaching. It will come to me. I think I'm going to start going to Mass again. I haven't been in so long. I will finally have a free Sunday and I need to take advantage of that. I need to get back in touch with my spirituality. I have many opposing views from the Catholic faith but I know that when I walk into a Catholic church something makes me feel good and it just feels right, like I belong. I want to feel that again. So the conclusion to this whole blog is that things are starting to fall into place, I think. When I was singing "SOTR" to my Granny I was thinking how life is like a rainbow. You start off at the bottom and then you slowly make your way to the top and it's a tough climb uphill but once you get to the top you can slide down and your curiosity is at last satisfied. You finally discover what really is over the rainbow!

Overboard!!!!!

Is it at all possible to be mad and proud of myself at the same time? Well I guess so because I am right now. I'm frustrated at myself because I take things to the limit sometimes. I push myself way too much and I'm way too self critical. I finished filming this weekend. Thank God! I had a blast, learned alot, but I really need to get things going in the job department before I become another statistic. Another homeless Jane out on the streets with her scruffy dog and lone guitar begging for spare change. Hopefully that will never happen. I have major PMS right now so I'm on edge. I'm in Bitch Mode! Watch out! My weekend starting with Friday went something like this. Friday: Wake at 6:45, be at work by 8:30, Lunch at 12:30, be on Daniel Island by 12:45 for job interview, back at work by 2:00, Work till 5:30, drive straight to babysit, babysit until 10:00, drive back home,pack, drive back to James Island to house sit and give a dog a shot, bed by 12:30, Saturday: Wake at 5:30am, drive to Aiken and be there by 9am, Shoot until I think it was 6:00 or 7:00 ish. Drive to Barnes and Noble to buy a play I needed, back home rehearse monolouge and song. Sunday: Film at 11:00 until 3:30, drive to Charleston and be there by 6:30 to audition for a play. In other words, Why did I even try to go to the audition? It was for "A Little Night Music" by Sondheim. I sang "Home" from Beauty and The Beast and I sucked so bad. My voice cracked like 2 times. I hate when that happens. I get so nervous that I can't control my breath and then that happens. My monolouge was awesome though. I know I rocked at that but I'm frustrated b/c I know I can sing and when I screw up I get so dissapointed. So I'm mad at myself for even attempting the audition without being 100% prepared but happy for nailing the monolouge and just being so determined to even make it to the audition.
I'm also frustrated with something else. I kinda got into a little riff with someone this weekend and I still can't figure out who was the right or wrong party in the situation. I was proud of myself for standing my ground but it was just a case of artistic difference. I never get upset with anyone but I was so irratated I didn't even know how to express what I was feeling to this person. I just kinda sat there while they made me feel like crap. The only thing I knew to do was give the silent treatment.

What do you say?/ Change of life plan!

Okay I have to post something because about ten million things are running through my mind right now. First of all I just got a call from an ex boyfriend who I have not talked to in forever. He is getting married in a few months. The conversation kinda went something like How are you and what are you doing lately and blah blah blah and then suddenly switches to "What do you think would have happened if we would have stayed together?" I don't want to make a mistake getting married. I can't get you out of my head. I just wanted to know if there was any hope with us before I make a mistake". Uh what do you say to this? I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. I wouldn't have answered the phone if I knew it was him but it was from another number and I thought it was someone else. My heart is so sad right now. I wish I could make everything okay but I can't. I know I can't talk to him anymore if he calls. I will have to screen my calls. I don't feel that way about him. AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!! I hate love!!!! I'm still in total shock. At least he had the balls to call me because that took alot of courage. You know I learn to forgive everything in the past and I would love to stay friends with him but.......I can't even finish this sentence b/c I just don't know how to handle this situation.
Okay change of subject. I have been thinking a whole lot lately about my life and this is going to sound absolutely insane, well maybe, but I don't think I want to move. I think I want to stay in Charleston. I still want to pursue acting but I want to do it from here if I can. I can't help it. I love Charleston. I feel at home here more than anywhere and I just know in my heart that this is where I belong. You know I could be totally wrong and some great opportunity may present itself to me but for now this feels right. I think that moving gave me a way to run from my problems but I don't need to do that. I need to stick it out here and give it a shot. I've been talking about Grad. school for the past year and I think that is what I want to do. I would love to get my M.A.T or maybe my Masters in English and teach. I love teaching! I'm talented when it comes to teaching and I have a gift with children that I need to put to good use. I want to teach Drama or maybe Eng.lit. People will get mad at me for saying this but I'm not getting any younger. I mean I know I'm not old. I'm still young but I'm moving into that time in my life when I want to fill that empty spot. I want to find the love of my life, I want to get married, I want to have a family. I want all of those things to start happening within the next five years for me. Of course I can't control destiny but maybe the reason I feel this way is destiny. I didn't want to sell out but if I look at it realistically I'm not. I feel this in my soul and I know this is where I need to be. That crazy frog song is killing me. Anyway,I hope that this doesn't sound like I just all of the sudden had an epiphany because I talked to the ex bf because I have been feeling this way for a good while just didn't want to admit it for some reason. I need to enjoy my mid twenties as much as possible. It's time for me to get a job with a salary I can survive on and enjoy my life. I'm tired of the struggle. I'm ready to have a quality life filled with love and happiness. I want to go to Europe so bad and I will. I may even teach English in Europe for a few months when I get my Masters degree. Anyways to make a long story short I'm going to become a social butterfly for the remainder of my single years and just enjoy myself. Wow! I just feel the weight lifting off of my shoulders right now.

MY HOROSCOPE (Scorpio) * Could this not freak me out anymore?*
Brandi,
You might be less certain about where you are going in your career these days, although your role in the outer world is important to you. Should you pursue your career in the outer world or should you place more attention on the inner dimensions of your soul? There is no quick and easy answer. Simplify the issues as much as possible and then sink into the complexity of your dilemma.

People who have Influenced Me! Part 2

Alicia Waldrep: She was my music teacher in high school. She always believed in me and always had time to talk to me about anything. She really cared and sometimes that is rare in a teacher. I learned to be who I am not try to be someone that I am not. I was so afraid to be made fun of by the so called "in crowd" because I was a theater dork but she made me forget about them and focus on myself.

Jackie Bartone: She was my acting teacher at American Academy. She scared the shit out of me but she made me realize that I don't know everything. She brought me off of my high horse real quick like. I'll never forget her as long as I live. Although she was harsh in her criticism she cared about me.

Evanesence: The first man I ever had a crush on that was old enough to be my father. Why I had a crush on him I could not tell you but I think it was because he was so mysterious or something. Anyhow, I learned as time went by that sometimes we put people on a pedestal who in so many words shouldn't be. I wish I could take back this embarassment but what's done is done. But can I just say one last time Eww! What was I thinking??????? But I'm not the only girl guilty of this crime. Gross! He's probably all gray down there.

Bob Ivey: Cute little man who gave me a chance. Thank You for that! You inspired me to achieve greatness.

Missy Gossett: Dear friend who has taught me so much. When noone would befriend me in the cast she did. I have watched her through many different stages in her life and am now experiencing some of the same things she did a few years ago. Glad she was my guinea pig because I learned alot and gathered strength and courage from watching her deal with life's little surprises. She has kept me optimistic!

Keith Blandford: Keith is a rare gem. He is a little out there but such a wonderful person to have in my life. He has been there for me through thick and thin and brought out the best in me. There was a time when I was very low and he helped me to gain back my confidence. I have learned so much from him about spirituality and what it means to live a good life.

Tiffany Hilton: My NY Girl! I miss her. She is such a strong woman. I learned to stick up for myself from her and to not let anyone take advantage of me. We have learned many things from each other because we both struggle through some of the same issues. I miss chillin with miss T.

Connie: Connie is the first real roommate I have ever had. I learned alot from her because I tried to control her just a little bit but we have a big age gap and she is like my little sister. I kinda acted like her Mom sometimes. I learned how to become alot more open living with this girl, believe me, alot more. I love this girl!

Ryan: I'm just now adding his name on 9/15/05. Before it was too hard to add his name but now I think I can do it. If there is one thing I learned from him it is how powerful love can be. I have never loved someone so much to the point that I love this person. When it hurts so deep down inside your soul you know it's love. When you have been hurt by the person you love and you still find the strength to forgive them you know you truly do love them. I don't think I will ever stop loving him. Just the thought of him gives me butterflies. I grew alot from having this person in my life. I grew up because I was with him and I had to learn the meaning of love. What it is to love unconditionally.

Grace Kelly: This may sound crazy, I never knew her, but she taught me alot. How to present myself as a lady, with integrity and class. Sophistication. I feel like we are kindred spirits. I used to try so hard to be just like her in highschool and then the more I grew into my own skin I realized that I liked myself just the way I was and didn't feel the need to try to be someone else. I would like to think that I always had some of her qualities but the real me is quite different than Grace Kelly. I have my own unique characteristics and once I realized this I started to get cast in a lot more projects.

So there you have it! I'm sure there are alot more people I could add to this list but these are the ones that stand out in my mind.